Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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