honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
