and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
