I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
