Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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