I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
