i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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