I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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