highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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