He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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