how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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