cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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