My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I intend to get homeless drunk
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
