im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
