It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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