i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
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