My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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