So drunk its hurt
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
