Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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