my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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