At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
