its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
