2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
