Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
