If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
