i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Randomize
