The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
