When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
