He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
