take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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