party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
