Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
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there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
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I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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