Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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