you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
