just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
