Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
