i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
