I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
