She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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