In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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