I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
