First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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