So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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