I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
