i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Acid is not a monday night drug
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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