Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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