Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
