Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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