Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
