Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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