She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
im holly from the hills drunk
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
