This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
