you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
