y did u give ur computer a hand job?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
