You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
