I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
