Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We had to coat check the pizza.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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