for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
