I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
