Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
