oh god the rape fog is back!
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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