Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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