No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize
